THE JESSIFICATION PROCESS

Spending Too Long Down South May Be Bad For Your Health!!! Spending More Than A Few Months In The South Of England Will Slowly Begin To 'JESSIFY' A Person. This 'Effect' Is Felt More 'Strongly' The Closer To The 'Home Counties' You Go.

Noticeable Effects Of Jessification In Sufferers Include Following Rugby Union And Tennis, Instead Of Rugby League And Dog Racing. Also Changes In Clothing And Drinking Habits Become Apparent Such As Drinking Shandy Or Tea Instead Of A Pint Of Best Bitter. Sufferers May Also Become More Affluent And Loose Their Sense Of Humour.

Early Warning Signs Include The Appearence Of Tweed Clothing (NOT Including Burberry), Pocket Watches And Using Phrases Such As "By Jingo!" Rather Than The Correct "****in' Hell!". Other Warning Phrases Include "Spiffing", "Jolly" And "Tally Ho!".

In These Two Pictures To The Left And Right We Can See The Horrific Results Of Jessification In One Person. Note The Change In Hand Placement.

The Condition Is Very Serious And Could Be Life Threatening If The Sufferer Were To Return Up North Whilst Acting Like A Southerner. The Most Effective Way Of Dejessifying A Person Is T'Send 'Em Down't Pits.

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There Is Evidence To Suggest That Southerners Who Are Over Exposed To The North May Suffer Similar Effects But Turning Into A Northerner Would Be Beneficial For Them.